The TDA Alphabet Primer: D is for Drunk

by The Discovering Alcoholic on November 30, 2009

The TDA Alphabet Primer: D is for Drunk at The Discovering AlcoholicIn the TDA Alphabet Primer, D is for drunk. The term itself can be used in many ways. As a verb, it can be used as the past tense of drink. Not a bad thing for me since drinking is certainly a thing of my past that has no role in my present or future. As an adjective, it could mean physically and mentally impaired because of alcohol intoxication. Place drunk behind boy, teenager, and then man- I was certainly all three; not something I am proud of but it could be construed as a temporary reference since most everyone has experimented with alcohol as a child, drank too much in high school, and learned how to really tie one on in college and/or the military. Drunk could also be used as a noun, a more permanent description that really stings for me because it is still hard to think of myself as a drunkard, sot, or just plain alky. It has nothing to do with embarrassment today, in fact just the opposite because my recovery from alcoholism is a source of great pride and confidence.

Drunk used in this manner is a painful memory, a visceral feeling of complete powerlessness. D is for the drunk that experienced the shakes and the shame, anxiety attacks and bleeding ulcers, and the inability to accomplish basic tasks or maintain minimal social contact- I was a slave. I am pleased to say that my drinking days are behind me, proud to be a recovering alcoholic but for the TDA Alphabet Primer, D is for the drunk that is an emotionally brutal reminder of my past life in servitude.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 rowan_tree November 30, 2009 at 11:28 pm

This bit really stood out to me: “Drunk used in this manner is a painful memory, a visceral feeling of complete powerlessness.” The idea of being “powerless over alcohol” is something that I am constantly reminding myself of. The mind is a tricky thing and mine would like to have me believe that I DO have control…when I don’t. Getting sober was like severing a very long relationship. And, oh my gravy, can nostalgia try to throw me for a loop at times. Accepting that powerless feeling, remembering the shame and annihilated quality of life experienced while using, I can remind myself of what my future could be if I start drinking again. This acceptance is also helping me heal the wounds and sort the alcohol-stained baggage. This has been on my mind a great deal. Thanks for the story.

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2 The Discovering Alcoholic December 1, 2009 at 6:13 am

Glad to hear from you again RT! It took time, but one of the greatest things for me in sobriety is confidence. In all things it is me- I can do it, and there is no supplement for my actions and hard work- and the rewards become very tangible instead of the could-have-been, should-have-been, and might-have-beens of my drinking days.

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