The Half Baked Insanity of the Alcoholic

by The Discovering Alcoholic on July 2, 2010

It’s stories like this (and a few of my own) that to me serve as stark reminders of the mental disease portion of alcoholism.

Sheriff’s deputies responded to a call about a woman suspiciously slumped over the steering wheel in a white car parked in front of Arlington Middle School. Kelly Moss, 48, was in the driver’s seat of the vehicle, partially parked on the school’s driveway and the sidewalk, officers said. According to an affidavit, Moss’s speech was slurred and fragmented and she was unable to stand or walk without assistance. She did not comply with field sobriety and blood-alcohol tests.

Standard DUI fare so far, right? Keep reading.

An officer noticed partially empty bottles of vanilla extract, labeled as 35 percent alcohol by volume, and Diet Coke in the front seat, and they said they smelled a strong vanilla odor on the woman’s breath. A grocery receipt found in the vehicle listed two 8-ounce bottles of vanilla extract, purchased Wednesday.

Yep, she got wasted on vanilla extract and Diet Coke- ughhhh! I’m no way ridiculing Moss, but would like to point out how twisted this woman’s thoughts had become. She was willing to consume baking supplies in an effort to rationalize the act as not “drinking”. Not only that, actually having the willpower to go this insane route when she obviously had money and means just to stop at the local bar is a strong indicator that her logic and decision making is extremely impaired. It’s crazy, insane… that’s alcoholism.

On a lighter but still twisted note, I have stomached vodka so cheap that it could have doubled as paint thinner and like I said, done my fair share of mouth wash shooters- but I’m not sure even at my worse could I have kept such a noxious concoction down long enough for the alcohol to set in. Obviously she’s had a lot of practice, the three DUI’s and the ability to pull off a glamour shot booking photo is additional testament to her experience. It’s never too late though, hopefully this will be the incident that pushes her toward recovery and proper use of baking ingredients.

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