Sober Date: Scary… and No Fun (Sex)!

by The Discovering Alcoholic on February 23, 2009

Original pic by Rogerwp now at The Discovering AlcoholicBack in my drinking days I would have rather dated a zombie than a non-drinker; of course in those days many of my drug addled companions closely resembled the walking dead anyway. So I could really relate to the concern being expressed by this writer, a female recovering alcoholic, who went to an advice column about how to break the sober at all cost news to a potential suitor.

The response she gets from the columnist is pretty good. That yes, her sobriety may scare off some guys that will fear being judged on their own drinking habits and other less-than-secure types may feel threatened by the close ties of a recovery group. There was one point missing however that I thought was important to make.

Click “Read more” to continue…

The sobriety up front method will weed out those suitors that A) are looking for a date that will get snockered so they can have their way with them and B) they are so insecure that only by drinking themselves silly will they have the nerve to run the bases. Either way, weeding these guys out of the running is not a bad idea because they are only looking for one thing.

My take on this subject is that recovery is a personal matter and no one’s business unless you decide it is, and by then it should be a non-issue. If it’s not, then the whole relationship is probably a bad idea anyway. In closing I would like to add in as mature way as possible this gem: there are people that go from teens to death without ever experiencing what sex is like sober, and they will never know how much better it can be!

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Anonymous February 23, 2009 at 11:18 pm

my wife and i did not know how to have sex sober. we are still learning. she told me she NEVER had sober sex. its really a topic that needs more attention.

Good Blog BTW..

Brother Frankie


2 The Discovering Alcoholic February 23, 2009 at 11:22 pm

Thank you Brother Frankie


3 Just another drunk February 24, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Sober dating: It’s not just “let’s get drunk and screw”.
Dating within the program:
Biggest problem is determining how committed they are to sobriety. Tough judgment call.
Biggest plus is that IF they have a good program, no matter how crazy life gets, they will come back to center. I think that I’m on to a good one.
Dating others: Crap shoot. Some have been burned by addiction and are rightly over cautious. The recovery statistics bear out their stance.
The down side to people (large generalization here!!) who don’t HAVE to live a spiritual life is that they don’t have the tools to commit themselves to the honesty necessary to fundamental change.
Then again, I dated a girl who had 2.5 glasses of wine. The drunk in me wondered why she wouldn’t have finished the third. Was a fun night!!!
These are my observations.
Standard disclaimer applies: YMMV! Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Voltages contained within this equipment are hazardous to human life. RTFM!!


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