Licensed to Drink?

by The Discovering Alcoholic on August 23, 2009

original pic by ankarino under creative commons license now at The Discovering Alcoholic

Regular readers know that I often harp on the lackadaisical attitude our society has about the tragic and deadly repercussions caused by our nation’s love affair with alcohol. The neglect, crime, violence and senseless killing seem to be “acceptable losses” while on the contrary other issues of lesser magnitude become the cause célèbre depending on which news network you watch or what political party is in power. Never have I seen this point made better than by Marc Folco’s article in the South Coast Today entitled Open Season: A new twist on the liquor license.

Mr. Folco is making his case from a different perspective, but the point is nonetheless well made. He argues that too much scorn, emphasis, and legislation is placed on gun ownership while alcohol use is in comparison virtually unregulated and above reproof. As a gun owner licensed to conceal carry, I do agree with him but he also makes a great case about the way our nation views alcohol related “acceptable losses”

It’s obvious that we need liquor control more than gun control, so let’s treat alcohol and alcohol consumers — including myself, a social drinker — the same as we treat guns and gun owners. From now on, you’ll need a license to buy and/or consume alcohol and it will cost you $100, renewable every six years. Before your license is issued, you will undergo an extensive background check, get fingerprinted and photographed and take a safety course that stresses the dangers of drinking, alcoholism and drunk driving. Balk at that? It’s the same fee and procedure as for a gun license.

Oh, but there is so much more, click “Read more” to continue…

Had problems or legal trouble with alcohol in the past? No beer for you!

The background check is to see if you have prior convictions of drunk driving (DUI) or if you’ve been treated for alcoholism. If you have, you will be denied a License to Purchase and Possess Alcohol (LPPA). Also, if you’ve ever been convicted of a crime that was punishable by a two-year jail term (whether or not you served time), no license for you. Those buying liquor stronger than 80 proof will be required to apply for a Hard-Capacity LPPA.

Emotionally troubled, need a drink to ease the pain, or just to loosen up? Don’t forget about the waiting period.

Upon entering a liquor store, you will be required to present your LPPA and you’ll be limited to one case of beer, four regular size bottles of wine (or two big ones), and a fifth of hard liquor per month. And come back in a week to pick it up. Don’t forget about that seven-day waiting period. All purchases will be logged into a national computer database, so you can’t jump from store to store or even state to state.

Drinking more than you care to admit, or better yet, than the government allows?

If you try to buy more liquor than your monthly quota, the computer will flag it and your license will be revoked and you will pay a heavy fine and serve jail time on the assumption that you are conducting illegal “straw purchases” for drunks, unlicensed persons and kids. It’s the reason some politicians want to limit us hunters and shooters to buying one gun a month — they blame us for reselling them to gangbangers to kill their rival “colors” with.

Ever bought someone else a drink?

Every liquor container will bear a serial number that will be recorded at the sale. If it later ends up in the hands of a minor, a drunk, an unlicensed person — or at the scene of a deadly crash, it can be traced back to the purchaser. Fingerprinting will further aid in tracking and identifying who had their hands on the booze.

Keep alcohol at home?

Liquor over 80 proof must be locked in a case or in the trunk of your vehicle while transporting it. Beer, wine and 80-proof liquor or less must be in a locked case while unattended in a vehicle. In the home, all alcohol must be stored in a locked cabinet. If it’s not locked, you will pay a fine and go to jail. If it’s not locked with anyone under 21 in the home, the fine and jail term will be much greater. This will curb underage drinking and will prevent drunks from breaking in and stealing your hooch. It also will stop bootleggers from stealing your booze and re-selling it on the street.

Bravo Mr. Folco! You get a well deserved TDA salute for this highly enjoyable and spot on commentary. On a relevant note, TDA friend and unofficial researcher zentient sent me this link from the UK where the losses are starting to become less than acceptable.

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