Wife’s chemotherapy and offline work taking precedence, so here’s another from the 07 archive.

par•ti•san (pär t -z n)
n.
1. A fervent, sometimes militant supporter or proponent of a party, cause, faction, person, or idea.
2. A member of an organized body of fighters who attack or harass an enemy, especially within occupied territory; a guerrilla.

It took me a little while to get back to the last review on my Beating a Dead Horse list even though this is the book that inspired the series in the first place, Jack Trimpey’s Rational Recovery. While it would take an utter suspension of disbelief, the title suggests a presentation of the “new” cure for substance addiction that will allow one to “remain sober—effortlessly—for the rest of your life.” Now before we go into the content of this book let me state in advance that regardless of what I feel about his recovery techniques, I think Mr. Trimpey’s advertising methods are reprehensible. I had to filter his advertisements off my site because I found them both distasteful and counterproductive. I scanned a few of my favorite recovery blogs to see if could find a suitable example but found none showing, so I can only hope he discontinued them because he came to believe the same. All you have to do is go to his website to see that he is the self proclaimed king of AA bashing and his comments on the subject go beyond borderline to fanatical on a regular basis. In my humble opinion, Mr. Trimpey’s group is a for-profit business venture whose almost militant partisan attacks against AA and 12 step programs make him no better than the small minority of radical fundamentalists in these groups that he obviously views as the competition and the enemy.

One good thing I can say about Mr. Trimpey is that he believes total abstinence from alcohol and drugs is paramount to long term recovery, something in which I can wholeheartedly concur.

Click “Read more” to read the review…

The basis of Mr. Trimpey’s book is recognizing one’s “addictive voice” and learning how to deny the “beast” from which it emanates, basically abstinence. I really do think these branded terms are helpful and may be the catalyst for the self-introspection that is so necessary for anyone dealing with substance abuse or addiction issues. However, I think that he is being misleading by referring to recovery as an event instead of a process. Using his pseudo-science bestial analogy he seems to write off in toto the disease concept of addiction.

I think it is rather simplistic to believe the solution for the chronic alcoholic is to simply quit drinking, as if years of a certain lifestyle and mental molding reinforced by a chemical dependency can be shrugged off with a snap decision to abstain. This over-generalization is even more pronounced in the portion of the book where he goes into detail of the “beast” and brain function. While I agree with parts of his explanation on the subject, studies by Dr. Volkow and others on the science of addiction show even now how little any of us comprehend the subject.

Mr. Trimpey writes off all of AA and 12 step programs as harmful as if every group was stamped out in a factory instead of being comprised of unique individuals, as if the subject of addiction and treatment was not rife with grey area. Just as he accuses his self-appointed opponents, he takes the my-way-or-the-highway stance of the fundamentalist. There are certainly some people involved in AA and similar 12 step programs that deserve calling out, but Mr. Trimpey champions a conspiracy theorist’s view that I find to be over-the-top.

What’s the TDA recommendation on the book? Like always, I am all for a program that helps people stay sober. I have my doubts that the methods of Mr. Trimpey will work on the chronic alcoholic and addict, but there is always hope. I would recommend the book to almost all those in recovery, but it would not be my first choice (or my last) to someone who is trying to achieve sobriety.

See earlier reviews:

Stanton Peele’s Diseasing of America

Herbert Fingarette’s Heavy Drinking

D. J. Cornett’s 7 Weeks to Safe Social Drinking

Thank you author and speaker Lisa Frederiksen of Breaking the Cycles for this regular series sharing her decades long experience of dealing with family alcoholism and alcohol abuse. Click here to see the rest of the series.

On another site, I responded to a query by a reader concerned about her husband’s behaviors after several weeks of sobriety. She explained that her husband sometimes only gets a few hours of sleep at night, yet he has so much energy that he is doing things around the house non-stop and seems confused and paranoid at times. He also accuses her of things that are not true. Her concern was whether these kinds of behaviors were normal for a person who has stopped drinking.

I thought I’d share my response in the event others are wondering about what’s “normal” in terms of recovery from an addiction (to alcohol or drugs).

Unfortunately, there is no “normal” for how recovery from an addiction will occur, but it sounds like he should see a medical professional and explain to that individual his drinking history, recovery efforts and now these symptoms. If he worked with a treatment center or AA or another treatment support option, he might contact one of those individuals to ask about his symptoms and behaviors.

With regards to you — it is very difficult to live with active alcoholism and with an alcoholic in early recovery, but one thing to know is that alcoholism is one of the diseases of addiction, and addiction is a chronic, often relapsing brain disease. There have been some serious chemical and structural changes in your husband’s brain that have occurred as a result his drinking, which affect areas of the brain responsible for judgment, memory, learning, decision making and pleasure. Since the brain is responsible for everything a person thinks, feels, says and does, the brain changes caused by excessive drinking (or drugs in the case of a drug addict) are what makes an addict/alcoholic act and behave in ways that are NOT NORMAL. It is NOT YOU or anything else that is the cause of their behaviors, accusations, convoluted ‘thinking.’ The cause is the excessive use of a substance (alcohol or drugs) causing brain changes affecting areas of the brain listed above. It can help you to learn more about the disease of addiction (alcoholism) so that you can take steps to take care of yourself. These two websites can help: www.hbo.com/addiction and www.breakingthecycles.com. One last thing… please know the brain can change after the substance use is stopped — that is what effective treatment and recovery are all about — helping the addict/alcoholic change his/her brain.

Question: Why is goal setting so important in recovery?

Answer: One crosses the border into alcoholism when alcohol becomes priority number one. It starts off as just fun, party here, ballgame there. Then it becomes a dating tool or a coping mechanism. Finally it’s having beer instead of morning coffee… lunch break, and midnight snack- you’ve arrived a citizen of Alkistan. Alcohol becomes ingrained into every aspect of life and so it’s no wonder that trying to live sober seems impossible. It’s just hard to imagine life without old faithful. That’s why so many people, especially in early recovery, turn to non-alcoholic beer as a solution. Wrong answer, near-beer is just a link to the past, a wubby sans alcohol.

The right answer is to set non-alcoholic goals. Recovery opens up new opportunities without alcohol as a priority so shoot for simple goals but in a sober world; TDA’s simplified cognitive behavioral training, learning to experience and reacting to a sober environment. Retraining one’s brain and decision making process is absolutely necessary or it’s back to the same old people, places, and things… and relapse. Break the mold even if it doesn’t feel right- the positive results of sober decisions will soon begin to reinforce this behavior and no longer will you feel as if in a foreign land.

I am powerless over alcohol. For someone that couldn’t hold down a steady job much less a steady hand one would have thought I would have been inured to helplessness back in my practicing alcoholic days. Not really though- yeah, I had the I’m a victim of chemical imbalance and me-against-the-world conspiracy theory down pat but despite rock bottom reality I clung desperately to the hope that I would regain control and drink again in moderation. Futile.

In recovery I have learned not to sweat those things I can not change and thank goodness because maturity has taught me this is a very long list. Over clean time alcohol has been bumped down the list by even more powerful and prominent forces in my life like time, taxes, and yes, cancer. So these days I concentrate on recognizing those things I can change and the confidence and peace of mind that comes with doing so. I personally could not rid my wife of cancer nor give her back what it stole so I try my best to support her recovery process instead as we concentrate on our long and happy life ahead.

I can however participate in the struggle to end breast cancer for future generations and have done so by joining the 2011 National Marathon to Finish Breast Cancer. My wife is benefitting from new treatments and more discoveries are on the way so the fight against cancer is by no means futile and we are not powerless over it. I’ll soon have a link up for donations to the cause, but would also appreciate those that spread awareness and especially for any links or promotions to the race and the fight to end breast cancer.

On the road and out of steam- so here’s one from the archives.

Inevitably I have someone come up after a recovery meeting to ask me what is the secret to long term sobriety and recovery. It is usually someone new to the program, that has attended meetings routinely on the weekends for a while, and has decided that now they are “really serious” about recovery. I know I did the same thing many years ago, asking my temporary sponsor as he explained his thoughts on the twelve steps, “but how do you do it for the rest of your life?” Apparently I didn’t get an exactly inspirational answer since I can’t remember his response. Neither did I stay in AA after I had finished my ninety meetings in ninety days after rehab, but I still credit much of my successful recovery program to the things I learned in those meetings.

Click “Read more” to continue…

In retrospect it is easy for me to see why my sponsor didn’t exactly wow me with a response to my question because I was already doing what it took to stay sober. I just needed to keep doing for the rest of my life, but oh how I craved that there was something more. There had to be some kind of ancient magic, secret society, or a mystical panacea that was necessary- I mean surely it had to be a pretty complex solution to solve this problem I had battled over the years… but it’s not.

The recovering alcoholic is no different than the professional athlete or concert pianist in the fact that we must train every day. Practice. Practice. Practice. Same workout, same practice routines, and an unending dedication to the single purpose of improving one’s life- we must constantly train our brains to respond quickly to temptation, instinctively avoid dangerous situations, and maintain a solid emotional balance.

Regardless if it is NA, AA, or a personal recovery program the key to its effectiveness is action and dedication. Like the back of the shampoo bottle- wash, rinse, repeat. If the routine becomes too monotonous, mix it up! There is only one person responsible for recovery and that is you. NO program will keep you sober; no counselor can keep you safe.

What is TDA’s secret of long term sobriety? Find a program, make a program, any program… and just do it.

B-List icon and primetime drunk David Hasselhoff was torched by his “peers” at this Comedy Central Roast as they cranked the dial up to high broil with some scathing shots on his alcoholism. Obviously the Hoff knew what was coming; these events have a well deserved reputation for crude, low brow humor but I imagine the very personal attacks about his drinking still hurt… assuming he wasn’t already numbed.

Humbled by the truth of our past condition and behavior, although maybe not on national television this is a situation almost all of us will have to face as recovering alcoholics. One doesn’t get the title of alcoholic without having a least a few less than memorable public moments. So take your cue from the Hoff who never gives up and constantly reinvents his career despite his fabulous faults and failures, take the embarrassment of past actions in stride when they are brought to light and just move on. Don’t allow what has happened in the past be an obstacle to the future. Remember the serenity prayer- let go of what cannot be changed and concentrate on what can. My goal is to always remember the wasted days of my past not in remorse but in humility, and as a reminder that I need to make every moment count now that I am in recovery.

Even though the judge is the final arbiter in this case and has given Bobby Joe Stovall life in prison for his 9th DUI, there still remains a lively public debate on both the sentencing and the circumstances of the crime. Across the internet the comments range from those using alcoholism as an excuse for Stovall’s actions implying that one should not be punished for a disease to those that seemed so enraged by the disease concept that they go off-topic to argue that drinking is just a simple choice for alcoholics.

I dislike both arguments. In my opinion, the call by advocates for leniency based on Stovall being a victim because of his alcoholism reeks of a sort of pitiful entitlement, one used by practicing alcoholics for their own deranged rationalizations. Stovall is being punished with life in prison because he has continuously broke the law and injured others, not because he is an alcoholic- the charges and sentencing would remain the same regardless of a medically diagnosed condition. And for those that just seem to rage at the idea of alcoholism being a disease, I just pray that they never have to find out how badly they are mistaken.

I had every intention of writing about anything other than Steven Slater, but it is impossible to get away from this story in America right now. Cable and network news, talk shows, radio, and blogs- it’s 24/7 take this job and shove it. For a country that is experiencing almost 10% unemployment, it seems odd we are so fixated on a guy that actually quit a good job and will probably go to jail to boot.

Not even looking for the JetBlue slider, I news Googled recovering alcoholic and came up with over 5000 stories on Slater just for today. Sadly, it’s very telling about the way the general public understands addiction- even though drinking is part of the story guess how many of these stories contained the word relapse? One. And even then the author of this Time post seems intent on making excuses for Slater rather than stating the obvious- he was drinking and acted drunk. Considering Slater’s recent struggles, you could be fairly sure the Vegas odds for concussion vs. relapse would be a hundred to one but most stories to date (at least those that don’t have my finely tuned alky sense) don’t even take alcohol into account.

Of course I shouldn’t be surprised that America is celebrating this flamboyant relapse, rarely is alcohol abuse considered a real issue even though it plays a primary role in many instances of truancy, divorce, neglect, lost work, abuse, infidelity, violence, and crime. People get drunk, do stupid things, and we just hope that no one dies… and even then we’ll try to call it an accident. I hope Mr. Slater gets help, but see little chance for any serious treatment of the much larger nation of origin issue we have with alcohol abuse.