Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. ~ Carol Burnett

Addiction free but sandwiched between the alcoholism of her parents and the struggles of her daughter with drug addiction, my first thought for the title of this post about comedienne Carol Burnett was The One That Got Away, no punctuation.

Immediately upon typing the words I realized my mistake and added the question mark, embarrassed that even for a moment I had forgot that no one escapes from the pain, loss, and tragedy of an addicted family member. Carol Burnett may have escaped catching the family scourge, but there is no doubt that she still suffered the consequences.

I had chosen Mrs. Burnett as tonight’s topic in response to reader feedback on a previous William Shatner/Al-Anon post asking for more stories of the same persuasion. The TDA reader, in a relationship with an alcoholic, is also suffering the consequences that include stress and preoccupation draining the creativity and ambition from her work. So I thought it would be both extremely appropriate and a personal pleasure to extend a TDA Salute to Carol Burnett who not only survived, but is still flourishing in a creative, artistic career and has been a pioneer of recovery advocacy.

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Considered an American Master for her work in television by many, I think of her more as a familiar friend. Born during the first year of the Carol Burnett Show, I still know every show by heart because it ran for so long and later because of my daily after school routine that included syndicated episodes. My favorite character by far is Mrs. Wiggins.

More than an award winning artist though, Carol Burnett tackled alcoholism and how it affects families long before it became a mainstream and acceptable topic.

So here’s a TDA Salute to Carol Burnett, a creative comic and pioneer of recovery advocacy that changed her own life… and that of many others including my own.

“Captain, that’s not logical.” Dr. Spock said it often to Captain Kirk, but Leonard Nimoy also said something similar to William Shatner before his wedding.

He said just one sentence, ‘Bill, you do know that Nerine is an alcoholic.’ I’m not sure what Leonard expected me to say. ‘I know she is,’ I told him. ‘But I love her.’ Leonard didn’t speak for a minute and then he said, sadly, ‘Well, Bill, then you are in for a rough ride’.”~ The Age

Nimoy was not channeling his Vulcan character, as a recovering alcoholic he knew first hand the potential pain Shatner could face. Nine years later Shatner came home to find his floating face down in the pool, dead from an overdose of alcohol and valium.

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I often write about famous alcoholics, but after reading this article from TheAge.com thought it would be a good change of pace to write about a famous Al-Anoner.

He says it’s cathartic to speak of Nerine. “Looking back, I know Leonard, who was a recovered alcoholic himself, was warning me not to marry her,” he says. “But I did try everything to help her.” He joined Al-Anon, the support group for families. “Then I realized I was going there to learn how to live with an alcoholic. And I didn’t want her to be an alcoholic. But I couldn’t compete with the drink”

Maybe it is because of the misery I put my friends and family through that I am always amazed at those so willing to take on this mantle of responsibility, an alcoholic’s keeper. Anything in the name of love… right? Unfortunately they find out all too soon that it is more like anything in the name of alcohol.

“Our wedding day was wonderful. Nerine was sober and we went to bed that night ecstatic. I woke up the next morning at eight and she was drunk. Later, I found she had hidden bottles of vodka all over the house.”

So here’s to William Shatner, my first famous Al-Anon’er and starship captain to get a TDA salute for following his heart and ultimately paying the price. There is always hope though, for every recovering alcoholic like myself there is many times a family member or a loved one that never gave up… and gave us something to come home to.