On the road and out of steam- so here’s one from the archives.

Inevitably I have someone come up after a recovery meeting to ask me what is the secret to long term sobriety and recovery. It is usually someone new to the program, that has attended meetings routinely on the weekends for a while, and has decided that now they are “really serious” about recovery. I know I did the same thing many years ago, asking my temporary sponsor as he explained his thoughts on the twelve steps, “but how do you do it for the rest of your life?” Apparently I didn’t get an exactly inspirational answer since I can’t remember his response. Neither did I stay in AA after I had finished my ninety meetings in ninety days after rehab, but I still credit much of my successful recovery program to the things I learned in those meetings.

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In retrospect it is easy for me to see why my sponsor didn’t exactly wow me with a response to my question because I was already doing what it took to stay sober. I just needed to keep doing for the rest of my life, but oh how I craved that there was something more. There had to be some kind of ancient magic, secret society, or a mystical panacea that was necessary- I mean surely it had to be a pretty complex solution to solve this problem I had battled over the years… but it’s not.

The recovering alcoholic is no different than the professional athlete or concert pianist in the fact that we must train every day. Practice. Practice. Practice. Same workout, same practice routines, and an unending dedication to the single purpose of improving one’s life- we must constantly train our brains to respond quickly to temptation, instinctively avoid dangerous situations, and maintain a solid emotional balance.

Regardless if it is NA, AA, or a personal recovery program the key to its effectiveness is action and dedication. Like the back of the shampoo bottle- wash, rinse, repeat. If the routine becomes too monotonous, mix it up! There is only one person responsible for recovery and that is you. NO program will keep you sober; no counselor can keep you safe.

What is TDA’s secret of long term sobriety? Find a program, make a program, any program… and just do it.

• Step 1 – Admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable

• Step 2 – Admitted, said out loud, and meant, to ourselves and to many others our nature and the warped reality of our existence

• Step 3 – Decided to act upon this predicament and stay sober at all costs, getting professional help when necessary

• Step 4 – Made a deeply introspective list of all things stressful, worrisome, embarrassing, or pending that required action so that recovery becomes a priority

• Step 5 – Made daily and measurable progress on correcting items on this list, also identifying those items which were honestly beyond our power to change

• Step 6 – Reflect, refine, and repeat

Do I have a problem with the 12 Steps? Absolutely not. Did I have a problem with the 12 Steps? You betcha! While still drinking and in even in early recovery I concentrated on the reasons why the steps would not work for me, the religious aspect, the spiritual aspect, and the many logic traps I spent hours/days creating. I still worked all the steps diligently, yet deep in my heart lacked faith in many of the steps.

Over time it has become obvious to me that the 12 Steps have two purposes, one is to help people quit drinking and the other is to learn again how to live without drinking. The latter can not happen before the first, and I think this is the cause of many abandoning their program in frustration.

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So for those out there that have decided that AA or other 12 Step programs just will not work for your “unique” case, try my abbreviated steps. I will be more than willing to blog on any step if anyone wants clarification or is in disagreement (I expect a blog from you first though). They worked for me even though at the time I didn’t realize this was how I was going about my program. Just as I did not realize later in my recovery, after years of sobriety, that the 12 steps made a lot more sense to me because of my recovery. Faith and spirituality did not get me sober, but I can say without a doubt that I found both because of my recovery.

I am still not religious in the traditional sense, my faith is personal and unorthodox, but my spirituality is what has really opened the door to learning to live happy again without drinking- and it gets better every day. Maybe like me, you just might enjoy revisiting the 12 steps later in your recovery- definitely something to look forward to. A future I promise you will not have if you continue making excuses of why you can’t stop drinking.

The famous blue “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous turns 70 this month and will probably pass the mark of 30 million copies sold later this year.

In addition to discovering that the first edition copies were actually red, with a little research I found out that books from the original first printing of 5000 are going anywhere from $4,000 to $40,000 depending on the condition. One of the rarest copies is kept in a safe by the Alcoholics Anonymous archivist in Akron, OH; it is actually signed by both founder and author Bill W. and co-founder Dr. Bob and rests along side the original manuscript.

The forward of the first edition printing reads:

”We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book.”

I wonder if Bill W. and Dr. Bob had any idea from those original one hundred men and women AA would grow into an international organization with over 2 million members and that the Big Book would become one of the most influential books of the 20th century? Now that’s a big 12th step!

There’s little I can disagree with in a recent Time article titled Battling Addiction: Are 12 Steps Too Many? 12 step recovery plans are not the only path to sobriety. Cognitive behavioral therapy and other secular psychotherapy treatments are also very viable options. Some drugs have shown promise like naltrexone and even though adding virtually unproven baclofen in the “serious” category is a stretch, there is a whole host of other drugs out there that may prove to be effective as tools in recovery.

It’s what has been left out of the article that I feel is important. 12 step programs for the most part are convenient, numerous, and… free! No prescription needed. No advanced degree therapist necessary. No asking time off for appointments during working hours. And best of all, no money is required. AA, NA, and other 12 step programs have plenty of detractors but no one can deny the fact that they are almost universally available. Sure there might be more effective treatments out there, but it doesn’t really matter if they are not accessible.

I cut the idiot box out of my daily routine over a year ago but have found a loophole with full episodes and movies offered by Hulu and others on the internet. It’s usually during breaks in my business travel that I’ll decompress with one of my favorites; these include Lost, Bones, CSI, Fringe, and tonights’s topic, My Name is Earl (MNIE).

The whole storyline of MNIE should be familiar to alcoholics, it’s about a man who has made a moral inventory and is intent on making amends to recover his karmic balance. Similarities end there since Earl is neither an alcoholic nor into teetotalism, however the lessons he learns while working his list I often interpret to have great relevance in my own recovery. The embedded episode above is a great case in point.

Click “Read more” to learn some recovery wisdom by Earl.

Not to give the entire episode away with a spoiler, let’s just say that Earl discovers that sometimes one has to alter their recovery methods so as not to harm others. In early sobriety, a very black and white, no detour approach must be taken in a recovery program because relapse is literally around every corner. But as one matures in their recovery, spirituality becomes as important as not drinking and growth comes about by achieving much more than just sobriety. It’s not just the step 9 directive of making amends except when it will harm others, but instead practicing a balanced and flexible approach and that the end goal is not always about us.

Healthy relationships, charity, friendship, and civic duty are all things very important in my own recovery program and they are equally evident in AA . In all the programs, we learn not to drink first, then how to live gain, and then we should spend the rest of our lives learning how to live well.

From my time as an alcoholic college student, soldier, and adult bachelor, I can speak from experience that a strip club is not conducive to sobriety. Working as an advocate and volunteer, I now know that many performers also suffer from substance abuse issues.

Maybe there are exceptions, but for the most part I see little good come out of these joints. So when I saw this story pop up on my news feed my first thoughts were extremely negative, a racy recovery program sounded ill conceived. My initial reaction was unfounded, it turns out that Screamin’ Meemee’s is now an ex-strip club that is being renovated to serve as a meeting place for recovering alcoholics. The building was turned over to its higher purpose as part of a plea bargain by the owner who was busted for running a prostitution ring as a sideline to the exotic dancing.

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Far from a prude and guilty as sin when it comes to my own past behavior, but I cannot help but think there is some karmic balance here. Addictions are fed in many ways, and the strip clubs of our world usually offer a full menu. My guess is that many of the same patrons and performers probably need to keep showing up, just for a better cause.

I said goodbye to an old friend today and laid to rest my cat, companion, and confidant of thirteen years. He is survived by his brother/littermate and a host of fond memories that will keep him forever in my thoughts. I thought about posting a recent picture but decided he would have appreciated it more if I showed him off in one of his favorite poses, with exposed belly and splayed legs viewing the world through the slitted eyes of lazy contentment. This often displayed, blatantly immodest mode of sleep never failed to make my wife and I smile and I can think of no better way to remember my old friend.

But this is a recovery blog, and as a sober cat he would have expected a relevant tribute. So in honor of Thing 2, I would like to tell you about what he has taught me about the second step.

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Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

My personal interpretation on the second step over the years could be defined as fluid at best, but in times like today I realize “evolving” is a better description. Early in my recovery I would have explained this power as an external deity or supernatural force. As my recovery matured, I began to think of the same force but originating from within. I discount neither still, however today concentrate more on escaping the selfishness (ourselves) that is indicative of addiction and appreciating the world around us and helping others when possible. I am not talking about a life of strict self sacrifice, but it was not before I was able to put others ahead of myself that I felt an internal reward.

This reward was not brought about by a substance, victory, or acquisition- but produced from within for the purest of reasons. I had found what I now think of as spirituality, and it is a power greater than ourselves because although produced from within it is rare we can produce it on our own.

With our animals this lesson is easily learned, I believe we instinctively care for our pets and truly expect little in return. They will not inflate our egos or buy us presents, but the unconditional love and devotion that mutually develops is a reward of far greater value. It works in much of the same manner with humans and life in general, it’s just that the distractions and complications are much harder to ignore.

There is also great strength to be found in this “Power” of spirituality. Yes, I felt sorry for myself today and mourned my loss- but it was short-lived and cathartic, tonight I am already switching gears reflecting back upon the great joy that my cat brought into my life over the last thirteen years. Goodbye old friend, and thank you for being a part of my life.

I am an ardent supporter of the twelve steps and especially admire AA, but I rarely attend these types of meetings even though they have greatly influenced my personal recovery program. There is not a conflicting interest or cloaked animosity, just a recovering alcoholic that has found his own way, “and works it because it works.”

So it is rare that I will post a “step” topic, but I ran across a piece that I really liked over at Sober Mojo on the first step, particularly the definition of powerless. Now for me, this is the one step that leads little open for interpretation.

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

It takes very little effort for me to recall how helpless and ineffectual I had become while consumed by alcoholism. Totally dominated, I needed to drink to live and every waking moment was spent in pursuit of sustenance. In complete servitude, I had been beaten down physically so that I shook and bled internally yet still I worshipped my master. My addiction to alcohol taught me what true and complete power really was… and I knew without a doubt that I had absolutely none.

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I could continue, but for those that have not experienced the mental derangement of an addiction it would just be more of the same- and after reading the hundredth paragraph they would think to themselves, “but all you had to do was stop, you just lacked the willpower.” So let’s add to the list being totally defenseless against an enemy that no one else can even see and not having the knowledge or tools to do a damn thing about it.

I am hesitant to continue, to give an answer set in concrete, reducing the definition of powerless as it pertains to my relationship with alcohol down to an abbreviated line of text because it affected my entire being. My relationships, health, family, friends, finances, and spirituality- no single definition can cover all these topics. So I would rather convey my definition of powerless as the time in my life when I believed that not only did I not possess the strength to stop drinking, but did not believe that anyone or anything else could help me, I had absolutely no hope. Yeah it’s not exactly well defined, but when triggered, the memories of this time in my life evoke such a visceral response that they serve as one of the most powerful tools in my recovery arsenal. Even just a slight whiff of this feeling is enough to make me appreciate the most gloomy of sober days.

And this is the reason why I wanted to mention the post over at Sober Mojo. Not for his definition of powerlessness or recognition of the same but rather his acceptance of the fact and willingness to use this as a tool in recovery.

For me, admitting I am powerless is not an act of indignity or something I am ashamed of, it is quite the opposite. For this alcoholic it is the ultimate an act of self-determination and a sign that I am traveling down the right road. ~ Sober Mojo

Bravo, my friend- well stated and deserving of a TDA Salute.

Being more by becoming less would be a good way to explain my definition of spirituality. Helping others without any ulterior motive other than the fact it makes one feel good, yeah its sounds easy but for the diseased selfish mind of an alcoholic or addict it is a very foreign concept.

Even after years of sobriety and good deeds, the “becoming less” part of the equation can be elusive. By this I mean taking oneself out of the picture totally, becoming the disappearing alcoholic. Doing something without looking for a reward from the person helped or those that notice- instead generating that reward, good feeling from within. That’s spirituality… something I had replaced many years ago with alcohol. It’s a huge part of my recovery process now, but still something that for me comes less than naturally.

Those who work the twelve steps would consider it the last, “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts and alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” For me it’s less about carrying the message (even though my name tag reads Discovering Alcoholic) as it is following through with the practice of selfless service. I know selfless service may sound like an awful lofty goal, but for those of us who battle addictions it should be considered one of the benchmarks for recovery. It’s evolution, moving from the quest of seeking reward from external substances and sources to enjoying a spirituality that we personally create through our thoughts and actions.

It never ceases to amaze me at the amount of time and energy some people will expend attacking Alcoholics Anonymous and similar 12 step programs. It’s kind of like picking a fight with Gandhi since the anonymity issue guarantees you don’t have to worry about any spirited public rebuttal. Some of the attacks are from alcoholics themselves rationalizing the tall boy in their hand and others are transparent in their self serving motives (Rational Recovery’s founder calls his program the "antithesis and irreconcilable arch-rival of Alcoholics Anonymous."). What brought this topic on was a post today by someone who commented that AA’s program shut down the critical thinking portion of his brain. In this post he cited a recent article in the Canadian Reader’s Digest that bluntly states that AA is “useless”.

The article is entitled 12 Steps to Nowhere and is written by J. Timothy Hunt. Near the end of his harangue of carefully picked statistics and off-topic shots at AA’s founders the author describes himself as a “highly functional drunk”. Immediately the warning bells sounded and just got louder as I read the following passages including “I made it a point never to drink when I was on duty” and when referring to his motivation to quit drinking as a funny look from his doctor he states “then one day, I stopped… It took one step, not twelve.” Now whatever credibility this guy supposedly had was eradicated with me with these two statements.

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The first step reads as follows:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

Not drinking at work, having an exemplary record, and one day JUST UP AND QUITTING pretty much busts the unmanageable definition and rules you out as an alcoholic in the first place. He provides a laundry list of examples of alcohol abuse that could just as well be an average frat boy’s weekend to-do list instead of definitively indicating alcoholism. There is a huge difference between alcohol abuse and the disease alcoholism, the main one being that an alcoholic by definition cannot just up and quit. Now of course since he has trouble even understanding the first step maybe a clinical definition from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism will help:

Yes, alcoholism is a disease. The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food or water. An alcoholic will continue to drink despite serious family, health, or legal problems.

The “despite serious health problems” of this definition does not have the caveat “unless your doctor gives you a very stern look”.

So the way I see it, what we have here is a guy who doesn’t understand the first step, did not work through the following steps, and has never attended an AA meeting yet he is telling the world that the 12 Steps are useless and will take you “nowhere”! That’s too rich.

Maybe one day we will get to the point where we have free 90 day in-patient rehab services, 24/7 on-call certified cognitive behavioral therapists, and trained support groups at every city corner, but until that day arrives AA is probably the only support available to most alcoholics. So trying to convince people not to go seems counterproductive at best and more like just downright asinine.