Tried To Fool Myself Again…And Succeeded

Contributed by our friend Erin over at:

I am still amazed at the amount of times I catch myself trying to fool myself. “Maybe you weren’t really an addict”, “Maybe you could do it just one more time, one time isn’t going to be a big deal”. These larger self deceptions I can usually catch. So why did a little one sneak by me?

Last week I went into the bathroom, opened up the drawer, and proceeded to take two Benadryl capsules. “For Allergies?” you may ask. Nope. Just to get the drowsy effect of the anti-histamines and go to sleep. Ok, so it may not seem like the worst thing that I could have done. It wasn’t the worst…but it definitely was something.

In the days before this happened I had kind of lost focus on my sobriety. I don’t think I was really staying in the day. I wasn’t doing the best I could do each and every day. I was feeling kind of in a slump. Unfortunately none of this was realized until after I took the Benadryl.

You know what they say about hind sight. But how do I become better at seeing the warning signs of relapse before I actually do the deed. I guess that is the question in addiction recovery isn’t it? That is what everyone strives to do.

I guess I let my guard down and this was the shock back into reality that I needed. This was definitely a harsh reminder that I am an addict, I always will be and I have to keep that knowledge very fresh in my mind… or else!