Promoted to the front page from the user blogs. I want to thank Aubie for posting this heartfelt story.
At 5 AM this morning I was getting ready for work and the phone rang. It was my mom informing me that her best friend’s son, a guy I was very close to before I began working my program had died in a head on collision with a telephone pole. My mom had been debating whether or not to tell me this because in the past I would use this as a reason to binge. My friend’s blood alcohol level was .23 and he had enough heroin to kill 3 people so she said.
Although I was upset, I couldn’t help to think about something my Residential Advisor said to me during my last stint in rehab. He said some of us will have to die in order for rest of us to live. He said. “which route are you gonna take?” He also said he didn’t care because I didn’t care. What he didn’t know is that death had a huge factor on me going to rehab. December 8th 2002; My best friend and little brother committed suicide in his Grandmothers back yard. He hung himself after a 3-night heroin and cocaine binge. Although I wasn’t the one that found him, I will say selfishly I was the one that hurt the most. Not because he was my friend or even because he was my brother, it was because I put the first needle in his arm. I still get blamed for his death, and deservingly so. Since July 2003, one relative and two friends have died from drug or alcohol related causes. Like I told my momma this morning, a lot of people have died in order for me to live.
I can’t mess up now… can you?
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
with us Aubie. I added the TDA logo because to me it symbolizes hope in recovery. My condolences for your loss, and I am heartened by your introspection and determined recovery.
I also know too much, I can’t mess up either.
Thanks for sharing
I used to hear that saying and think it was a bunch of worthless words — and then I experienced my sweet, little brother o.d. after being clean and in recovery for 11 months. Do I think that he died in vain? Hell no! I think he died so that others could live and I think his death carried as much of a powerful message of recovery as his life in recovery did. I won’t mess up either — I just know way too much.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing with us.
Thanks for sharing that. A real reminder that one slip can be the last one.