If I have heard it once from alcoholics and addicts, it’s been a thousand times. “At night I have trouble turning off my thoughts” or “when I try to go to bed my mind just starts racing” are just a few renditions of this standard complaint .
I remember trying to convince a girlfriend about why every night I would drink myself into a stupor. It was to slow down the racing thoughts, the endless torture of a talented disturbed mind, dam up the stream of consciousness until the old TV sign-off screen was the only thing left in my mind and I could drift off to a fitful sleep.
Already resigned to my fate as an alcoholic at the time, I would physically shake and have anxiety attacks when my blood alcohol content fell below “normal”. However I desperately wanted a reason that would justify or explain my affliction to myself and others. I convinced family, friends, and doctors that I was manic depressive, bipolar, and had a chemical imbalance. That got me a collection of nice prescriptions that just accelerated my addictive behavior. Who knows, some aspects of my craziness may still be a little true but…
MY MAIN PROBLEM WAS THAT I WAS A CHRONIC ALCOHOLIC
I have discovered through the course of events in my recovery that the “racing thoughts” was mainly a symptom of my alcoholism. I drank all day, got nothing done, and then worried about it all night unless I medicated. While I was actively drinking I didn’t worry about much, but in a dark room alone with my thoughts I was living a nightmare. I find working my own program of tackling problems as they pop up their furry heads like a whack-a-mole allows me to lay my head down at night and easily drift off to a well deserved sleep. When I procrastinate or misbehave, on comes the insomnia.
In essence, I really can turn the sign-off screen on and off at night because it is based on my behavior during the day. Thank God I don’t have to put up with that incessant high pitched whine that used to accompany it. I guess I’ll sign off now to the tune of the national anthem, I would like to thank the viewers and of course our sponsors…
