In the Presence of my Old Master

We had an interesting topic come up in the recovery meeting I sponsor at the methadone clinic last weekend. One of the regulars said he had changed his shirt after thinking it may be in bad taste or offend me because it sported a beer logo. I know some may think of this as a silly question but it’s not really considering the context of our meetings.

First, I am an alcoholic and the rest of the attendees are addicts (opiates). Second, my time in recovery usually far exceeds anyone else in the room. And last but not least, this is very reason we have these meetings so that the people who come to the clinic will have an opportunity to learn more about addictions and recovery instead of just methadone related dosages and phases. I have made some great friends here including the guy who asked this question and have truly enjoyed sharing in the progress we have all made in our recovery.

Questions like this are good for me too, they prompt me to reflect back on the time when I was new to sobriety; when sensory and emotional triggers like a beer sign or certain sight or smell could trigger an almost irresistible craving to drink. I know it sounds corny to quote Star Wars, but it’s very true that back in those days when I got around alcohol, “there was a tremor in the force.” I could sense the presence of my old master and was compelled to think in the old patterns, trying to rationalize a path back to the dark side.

Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will. — Yoda

Click “Read more” to continue this corny analogy…

These were the times on which our discussion focused. How did I avoid these triggers and temptations? Well quite obviously nobody can really avoid all instances that remind them of their past, instead I had to practice a constant vigilance as well avoiding the obvious “death bars”. New to sobriety, recovery must stay at the forefront of ones awareness, but in time the focus does change more to taking advantage of the opportunities presented by recovery.

As Yoda would say, strong in recovery have I become and the path to the dark side is much easier now to recognize and even ignore. It is very rare these days for me to even notice the presence of alcohol in my everyday life. Whether it be grocery shopping, dining out, or even pumping gas… these days it’s almost impossible to avoid being around at least alcohol advertising and most of the time the actual beverages. So if a shirt is going to throw me off my game now, I better deep space myself into a vacuum. However this freedom I have from such ordinary triggers does not mean I have become a Jedi though; it just gives me more of an opportunity to explore other facets of my recovery. Because of this I am certain, if I am not going forward in my recovery I am probably slipping back into my addiction… and I have no desire to once again feel the presence of my old master.