I was asked to write a post about AM drinking but realized it already existed… so I’m breathing life back into this old post from 2007.
Drinking in the morning. I wish it were a metaphor for waking up and enjoying the dawning of a new day, but this is The Discovering Alcoholic so you better change the channel quickly if you are looking for a breakfast cereal commercial. Now I am not talking about drinking on a lark or as a little hair of the dog; nope, I am talking the necessary alcohol intake to subdue the shakes and build the confidence to face another sunrise.
Looking back at the progression of my disease, it was when I began drinking in the morning that I figured out I was in trouble and subsequently became ashamed and secretive. When I first started the morning libation it was usually hot beer. It’s kind of funny to me when I see people’s reaction to this, “Drink in the morning? Hot beer!” but there was a method to my madness.
In my early days of alcoholism I almost always shared living space with several others, so being secretive about my drinking I couldn’t just grab a cold one out of the fridge. Normally I just kept a half case or so under the bed or in the closet and would have two or three warm ones to get moving. Paradoxically, the surge of in my blood alcohol content often produced enough confidence to shun my duties for the day and nudged my rationalization muse into action to inspire another day of drinking. Eventually beer lacked sufficient AM punch and I moved on to vodka. With the switch to vodka I stilled try to remain discrete, but the need to drink was strong enough by this time that shame was no barrier.
There are endless tests and surveys to do online to test whether or not you are an alcoholic. DUI’s, fights, and blackouts may be indicators, but they may just point to abuse. Not just a desire, but the need to drink in the morning so you can face the day is almost an absolute sign of alcoholism. Unfortunately, by the time we have begun drinking in the mornings there’s really no need for a test… alcoholism has already been accepted.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I have tried to rationalize my AM Drinking by the fact that my life has totally fallen apart. I am 56 and have been out of work for about 14 months. The lack of income has forced me to move back home to my parents house. My Mom has dementia and my Father has sever anger issues. Usually when I wake up I feel horrible, yet another 24 hours with no place to go and all day to go there. I do generally have a few things to do, however, my AM drinking usually does not interfere with my tasks. I am also on Xanax, so by mixing the the two chemicals I usually start to feel better within a hour or so. I have also done this in the past, back in the 70′s. It was no an issue until the last few months.
The one part of my life that it has affected has been a weight gain, I have gained about 35 lbs in the last couple of years and do not like what I look and feel like. Just a couple of years ago, I looked better, felt better and never indulged in drinking before 1:00pm, was employed had a life and generally was doing better in all parts of my life. Boy, what a difference a couple of years makes. I do have hope that eventually the toxic dust that I have been walking through for the last two years will settle and I will be able to resume a normal lifestyle. Until then I am afraid that I will make a bottle of wine my morning breakfast, I just think of it has grape juice that has been fermented. Kind of like the 70′s, when I drank “Oatmeal Stout” as my breakfast, trying to convince myself it was just a liquid oatmeal breakfast.
I really don’t enjoy AM drinking, however, when I consider the alternative at this place, at this time, in this situation. It seems to help get me through the morning, which is the hardest part of the day for me. As the day goes on and there are more things to do and more distractions, things seem to get a bit better, not much, but enough that I don’t need to keep on drinking throughout the day. What really gets to me is that tomorrow, I will be facing the exact same situation and will do the exact same thing, just to get through. I am just praying that God gives me the strength to persevere through this season of trial, and I can come out on the other side a better and stronger person, having flirted with alcoholism, but never totally falling for it even when things do get better or at least change….God Bless You All
recently, my boyfriend really cut back on his drinking. i didn’t know the extent of it because we always used to drink together when I came over or when we went out, and he would say he was an ‘alcoholic.’ I thought he was just exaggerating. but on a recent trip we went on, he confessed to drinking in the mornings, and that’s when I became worried (or, at least, worried that i had overlooked the problem). I’m not very vocal. i was worried in the beginning with the alcohol, but i knew he loved me enough not to put me through any weird shit. I felt it. I felt that he would always do things to make himself better, and to make me happy. the confession that he would have a beer in the morning worried me, and i just don’t want to think about it, but i know he’s been mixed up not only with alcohol but with drugs, too.
he is a good person, though, and i know this is a positive change. i am lucky to have found someone like this who cooks for me and gets things done (I am more of an up-in-the-clouds personality). i don’t have to worry about various inadequacies i have. I guess this is the only thing, but im glad i don’t have to worry about it anymore.
the point is: like the article says, alcoholism is hidden. I used to joke that my family are alcoholics because my dad drinks a couple of nights a week. but this is not true. i think real alcoholism stays hidden, and remains hidden from loved ones. i don’t know what to say for myself. i would never accept an alcoholic to be a husband to me, a father, someone who has to be responsible over other peoples’ lives. i don’t know if this was habit for him, or the need to face another day. i know that he has been happy for the time we’ve been together and had a job that he liked, and so it couldn’t have been to face another day. it’s just a curious thing. and i am now still a little shaken by him telling me he used to have a ‘tall can’ in the morning.
I am a 27 year old female. I am alcoholic. I have found that I am incapable of stopping drinking. This week I am trying to detox myself off of liquor. 3 times in the past I have been in the hospital for trying to quit cold turkey. I go to meetings and want to “have what they have” I need to follow the program and stick with it. I was sober for one week straight and I felt awful. My body is so accustomed to having alcohol in it. After 7 days of sobriety, I was on my way home from a situation that stressed me out…and I pulled into the package store and bought 2 tips of Sambuca. That was all I drink that day, but it was enough to get me back on the coaster. I have been feeling better these past few days…less and less…I can go 4 hours without a drink instead of one. And as I write this, at 8:35 am I am having one glass of wine instead on 4. It is a sad, sad, sad, sad, life that I live in. But I am confident that once I put this damn bottle down and work the steps I will recover and live a happier life. I pray that god gives me the strength and love to do that.
Wow-these posts have me wanting to read more. Very powerful. This is me too. Very powerful.
I didn’t keep a supply of my drug of choice around…just because I couldn’t afford to buy more than what I needed.
I would spend the first part of the day walking around, rubbing my stomach, massaging my temples and just looking like crap. This was all due to me having gone about 15 hours (sleep involved) without using.
The second part of my day would be great! I felt like I could run a marathon…this was after I used.
My family started to take notice that I just never seemed to feel good in the morning…strange!
erinsav
http://www.whatwinnersdo.com
and usually stealing an emergency stash for the morning.
Man, do I ever remember those daze! My cousin was/is an alcoholic and I was living with him after losing my house, relationship, and children due to addiction. I even hid my drinking from him! When I moved out, the entire space under the bed was absolutely crammed with paper sacks of empty 40′s of beer. In some parts it was so deep that it was pushing up the mattress and I never even noticed. The funniest part is — why did I do that? When I would come downstairs in the morning, he had a beer cracked open in the kitchen anyway!
I had forgotten all of this. Thanks for bringing me back. It’s an important piece for me to remember.
Peace,
Scout
most of my madness was the direct result of me trying convince myself things weren’t really this bad!