I was asked to write a post about AM drinking but realized it already existed… so I’m breathing life back into this old post from 2007.
Drinking in the morning. I wish it were a metaphor for waking up and enjoying the dawning of a new day, but this is The Discovering Alcoholic so you better change the channel quickly if you are looking for a breakfast cereal commercial. Now I am not talking about drinking on a lark or as a little hair of the dog; nope, I am talking the necessary alcohol intake to subdue the shakes and build the confidence to face another sunrise.
Looking back at the progression of my disease, it was when I began drinking in the morning that I figured out I was in trouble and subsequently became ashamed and secretive. When I first started the morning libation it was usually hot beer. It’s kind of funny to me when I see people’s reaction to this, “Drink in the morning? Hot beer!” but there was a method to my madness.
In my early days of alcoholism I almost always shared living space with several others, so being secretive about my drinking I couldn’t just grab a cold one out of the fridge. Normally I just kept a half case or so under the bed or in the closet and would have two or three warm ones to get moving. Paradoxically, the surge of in my blood alcohol content often produced enough confidence to shun my duties for the day and nudged my rationalization muse into action to inspire another day of drinking. Eventually beer lacked sufficient AM punch and I moved on to vodka. With the switch to vodka I stilled try to remain discrete, but the need to drink was strong enough by this time that shame was no barrier.
There are endless tests and surveys to do online to test whether or not you are an alcoholic. DUI’s, fights, and blackouts may be indicators, but they may just point to abuse. Not just a desire, but the need to drink in the morning so you can face the day is almost an absolute sign of alcoholism. Unfortunately, by the time we have begun drinking in the mornings there’s really no need for a test… alcoholism has already been accepted.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I didn’t keep a supply of my drug of choice around…just because I couldn’t afford to buy more than what I needed.
I would spend the first part of the day walking around, rubbing my stomach, massaging my temples and just looking like crap. This was all due to me having gone about 15 hours (sleep involved) without using.
The second part of my day would be great! I felt like I could run a marathon…this was after I used.
My family started to take notice that I just never seemed to feel good in the morning…strange!
erinsav
http://www.whatwinnersdo.com
and usually stealing an emergency stash for the morning.
Man, do I ever remember those daze! My cousin was/is an alcoholic and I was living with him after losing my house, relationship, and children due to addiction. I even hid my drinking from him! When I moved out, the entire space under the bed was absolutely crammed with paper sacks of empty 40′s of beer. In some parts it was so deep that it was pushing up the mattress and I never even noticed. The funniest part is — why did I do that? When I would come downstairs in the morning, he had a beer cracked open in the kitchen anyway!
I had forgotten all of this. Thanks for bringing me back. It’s an important piece for me to remember.
Peace,
Scout
most of my madness was the direct result of me trying convince myself things weren’t really this bad!