Promoted to the front page from the user blogs, you can click here to find past blogs by Toby12321. Denial, along with lying and selfishness, is part of the unholy trinity of alcoholism. Not only in just drinking, denial about our actions and true self can persist for many years in recovery and can be difficult to distinguish from the truth. Thanks for sharing Toby!
I just finished watching the TV Program “Intervention”. It is amazing how I see myself in their situation. Denial is the big one. I never had a problem with drinking. Everyone else had a problem minding their own business, I thought.
My mother, whose father was an alcoholic and died of cirrhosis of the liver, was constantly trying to get me help. I hated it. She is gone now; she died of cancer in 1992. I had been sober for 2 1/2 years when she passed.
My mother tried repeatedly to get me help. She was always nagging me and would get on my nerves. I finally agreed one Sunday to go to a rehab. My father and mother took me. It was an old hotel here in PA. We arrived and went to the office. They told me to let my bags and go to the meeting being held down the way. This was my first ever experience with AA. I stood in the back of the room. It was packed with a few hundred people. The main speaker kept telling these stories that just seemed impossible to believe. I’m thinking what a jerk. I can’t believe these people even believe some of the things he was telling us. He was talking more bull than a bar full of drunks during hunting season.
Click “Read more” to continue…
When the meeting ended the three of us headed back to the office. When I walked in the door I immediately noticed they had searched my bags. I freaked out. I ask them who they thought they were looking in my bags. They explained why but I was in denial and said this is enough, I don’t need this place. I told my mother I would quit on my own and off we went.
Guess what, “The seed was planted” although I wouldn’t admit it. Wait, don’t give me applause yet because I didn’t stop drinking for another 9 or 10 years after this. I went through so much denial. My wife left me with our son and that was it. I tried the rehab to get her back. Believe it or not, she came to rehab 2 weeks after I was there. I thought great, we can finally start putting our lives back together. I walked into the office where she and my counselor were and things didn’t seem quite right. She spoke first and said “I want a divorce” and there was little more said.
She left but for the next 2 weeks of the 28 days it was pure hell for me. I was helpless, sad, bewildered, and angry. Couldn’t she see that I was doing this for her? What did I just say? Yes, I was still in denial.
I was drinking within a week after leaving rehab. I went back 3 weeks later and begged them to come back. They finally agreed and there I was for another 28 days. This time when I got out I drove straight to a bar. It was another 3 years before I would get help again.
Isn’t life grand? I was afraid I would miss something by not drinking. That and the fact that I needed it. My favorite slogan, “Live to Drink and Drink to Live”! In the end it was stop or die. My denial was so bad that I went to 4 different doctors before I realized they were all right. I told them how much I drank everyday and they all told me I wouldn’t see my 41st birthday. I was also denying the diagnosis of 3 other doctors, let alone my own drinking problem.
I think the intervention program on TV is another great tool for the recovering and active alcoholics and drug addicts.
God Bless
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
The one about Lawrence. The fact that he died right after it kind of shocked me. I don’t know why. Similiar story here – except I am still alive and sober.
Thanks for the input Screedler,
Yes, he died and the only difference between him and us is we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. We admitted we were alcoholics and or drug addicts and stayed sober today!